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Cr@psule Monsters 2/Transcript
Headline text Previously... Narrator: Previously on crap: Yugi: Grandpa's gone missing! Grandpa: No, I haven't! I'm right here! Yugi: Where on earth could he be? Grandpa: Right over here. Joey: I just won four tickets to India. And I didn't even have to play a children's card game. Yami: I'm still around, making it really difficult to pinpoint when this spin-off actually takes place. Flight Attendant: Your fabulous in-flight movie is High School Musical 2 (Yugi and his friends scream) Tristan: Unfortunately, our plane crashed. Tea: It is rather annoying. Professor Alex Brisbane: Allow me to provide you with some dull exposition. Yugi: We have to find my Grandpa, along with all the other Yu-Gi-Oh characters that appear to have gone missing. Little kid: Not funny! Yami: And now, the continuation. Yugi, Tea and Tristan: Army of darkness! Oof! Tea: Right on my firmly toned booty! Tristan: It feels like we were falling for months. Fifteen months, to be exact. Yugi: What in the hell is this supposed to be? Tea: It looks sort of like a duel disk. Yugi: Tea, for the last time card games do not exist in this universe. Tristan: Yeah, Tea, quit living in the past. Tea: I was just saying, is all. Tristan: Quit living in the past, Tea. Tea: Okay, geez. But it does look kind of like... Tristan: The past! (Intro music: Get Down Tonight by KC and the Sunshine Band) Yugi: Huh. This gravestone must be where Kazuki Takahashi buried his dignity after selling the Yu-Gi-Oh rights to a bunch of heartless corporate money-grabbers. Tea: What is this mysterious land that in no way resembles Duelist Kingdom from season one? Tristan: And what's that weird noise? Tea: I can't hear anything. Tristan: Shh! Something Japanese this way comes. Yugi: Oh no! Badniks! And we don't even have any rings to protect us. Let's get the hell out of here! Kamakiriman: I am the lone locust of the apocalypse. Think of me when you look to the night sky. Yugi: It's as though nature itself is just randomly trying to kill us! Tristan: M. Night Shyamalan was right! Tea: Bye, Yugi! Good luck! Let us know what happens! Yugi: God, I hate that bitch. And Tea's pretty annoying, too. Joey: In the time it took for the second episode to come out, I've managed to climb this mountain. Now how the heck do I get down? I know, I'll just call upon those Deus ex Machina eagles from the Lord of the Rings movies. Save me, Peter Jackson! Hooray, it worked! Thank you, Weta Workshop. Tea: I do believe in bugs! I do believe in bugs! I do, I do, I do, I do, I do believe in bugs! I do. Tristan: Hey, look, a cave. That must be where all the special candy is. Tea: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm Tea and Tristan: Directed by Sam Raimi! Oof! Tristan: Ptui! Hey, this candy tastes like ass. Tea: Ptui! Okay, where the heck did those freakish mutations come from? Tristan: Perhaps we reproduced without our knowledge. Tea: Tristan, those are not our children. Tristan: Don't say that, they'll have abandonment issues. Tea: He looks like that monster I was playing with in the first episode. I think I'll call him Friendly McFrienderson the Third. Tristan: And that one looks like the mascot of a popular anime series based on the concept of catching animals. I think it's called Dinosaur King. I shall name him Tristan Jr. Thunder Kid: Pika! Joey: I am such a huge fan of the Lord of the Rings movies. Hey, do you know Frodo? Is Gandalf really a nice guy? Hey is that New Zealand down there? I just love New Zealand. It's like my second favorite place in the entire world. My favorite place is Brooklyn. Am I talking too much? You just let me know if I'm talking too much and I'll stop. Hey, can you tell Legolas that I hate him? (Kurama drops him) Ahhhh...ow! You lousy eagle! I hope a Nazgul beats the crap out of you! Huh. I wonder how Yugi's doing? Yami: Ugh! The pain! And yet strangely arousing. Yugi: Look out, pharaoh! There are millions of fangirls taking screen caps of this scene! Yami: The fiends! Baby Kuramas: Where's the new episode? Where's the new episode? Joey: Oh, you must be Little Kuriboh's overly-demanding fan base. Don't worry, I'm sure he's very hard at work on new material. One episode every two months ain't so bad, right? Baby Kurama: Update! Joey: Nyeeeeh! Must evolve wings! Oof! Baby Kurama: Where's the new episode? Where's the new episode? Joey: Okay, okay, look, the new episode will come out in a few weeks. (He jumps) Suckers. Those birds will believe anything. Oh hey, I can see my imminent death from here. Comedy falling! Ow! Right on the little Joey. Curse you, Pocahontas. Tea: So let me get this straight. Those cute little monsters hatched out of those weird egg-shaped rocks and now they're ours to command? Tristan: I don't know how they managed it, but 4Kids have made our show seem even more like a shameless Pokemon ripoff. Tea: Oh no! Tristan you said the forbidden word. In your foolishness you have unleashed the Kraken! Tristan: First there was no candy and now we're going to die. This spin-off has been one disappointment after another. Still, at least it's better than GX. Tea: I wonder if Yugi's doing any better than we are. Yami: Hahahaha! Yes! That's right. Burn! Burn until there's nothing left! The rainforest can kiss my pasty Egyptian butt. Tristan: Use thunderbolt, Tristan Jr.! Thunder Kid: Pi-ka-chuuuu! (Caption: I do not accept my slave name!) Tristan: Oh no! The Kraken blocked my electric attack by surrounding itself with water! That makes perfect sense! Tea: See Tristan, this is why we never let you play the card games. Tristan: Tea, protect my son! He's all I have! Tea: Don't worry, Tristan, I shall heal you with the boundless power of friendship! And also with magic. Tristan: Who's the boom king? I'm the boom king! Who's the boom king? Tristan's the boom king! Tea: Stop making references to awesome TV shows and go kick that Kraken's butt! Tristan: Tea please. Don't raise your voice in front of the kids. Joey: This definitely isn't Pokemon and I'm definitely not riding on Charizard right now. God, I hope Nintendo doesn't sue. Tristan: Go, Tristan Jr.! Make that Kraken pay for appearing in those crappy Pirates of the Caribbean sequels! Thunder Kid: Chuuuuu! (Caption: Die, CGI abomination!) Tristan: I love you, Tristan Jr. Thunder Kid: Pika pi! (Caption: You're not my real father!) Tea: I wonder how Yugi's doing. Yami: Check it out, Yugi. I'm riding on my invisible bicycle. Yugi: Yeah, that's not really very funny the seventeenth time you do it, pharaoh. Yami: You're just jealous because I have an invisible bicycle. Yugi (thinking): Dammit, he knows my secret. Yugi: Okay, I'm sick of running. I'm just going to stand here and wait for everybody to find me. After all, I am the main character. Sooner or later the plot will just catch up. Solomon: Excuse me. Hello. Have you seen my grandson anywhere? He's about five feet tall, likes to dress up in leather, and spends every waking moment playing card games. He also likes to pretend that he's an Egyptian pharaoh. Personally, I blame the rap music. Yugi: Grandpa! I'm surprisingly happy that you're alive! Solomon: Um...hi. Have we met? (Caption: TO BE CONTINUED...) Narrator: Next time on crap: Little kid: Not Funny! Baby Kurama: Where's the new episode?